BY ZO • APRIL 15 2019

While BTS certainly earned the bulk of Saturday Night Live‘s viewership last night, the show’s cold open was a spectacle unto itself. With Alec Baldwin’s Trump impression taking a needed breather, the late-night lens turned towards the slew of recent high-profile arrests that had absolutely nothing to do with the Mueller Report.

In the show’s lead-off sketch, Lori Loughlin (the actress who portrayed Aunt Becky on Full House and was indicted in a college admissions scandal) enters a cell with three prisoners, only to show them up with her white color criminality/privilege. Soon after, lawyer Michael Avenatti (who represented Stormy Daniels and was recently arrested for blackmailing Nike,) enters the fold with his own accounts of fairly mild treachery. Then comes Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder and internet super troll/villain,) who threatens the group with the full brunt of his hacking capabilities. Eventually, even 6ix9ine (currently facing about a half-century in prison on federal racketeering, weapon, and drug, charges) shows up, to whom Avenatti, naturally, offers his services.